Paris Alive, Primping. We Can't Fucking Wait For Midweek Madness

  • Two hotly-anticipated releases took place yesterday: A top-secret cache of CIA documents, and Paris fucking Hilton. Both involve mysterious drug use, breaking the law. Which got more media attention? Which yielded more interesting tidbits? Wait, don't answer that! But do vote in our poll of most loathsome moments in Paris after the jump!
  • Headscratching analogy of the day: "Only the two Koreas have been rumored to reunify more than Britney Spears and Kevin Federline." Well, hm. If by "more" you mean "not really at all because one party gives new meaning to the word 'batshit'", then we see what you mean! [TMZ]
  • One thing is clear: Rosie's kid did not inherit her looks. Otherwise, we're really confused. [Rosie's blog]
  • The NYC club Butter had a party, all the celebrities came, and Janet Jackson was dissed by Madonna, probably because she got fat again or something. [Page Six]
  • Brain-teasing detail from yesterday's Paristhon: A makeup artist arrived at her parents' place with a little pushcart full of cosmetics. On foot. What, does Paris not own her own cosmetics? [No, she steals the makeup of NYC gossip columnists, actually. -Ed.] Also: Who arrives on foot in LA? [Newsday]
  • O.J. Simpson is a fake writer and a fake crier. [Page Six]
  • Kelly Clarkson's latest album disappoints us. [Washington Post]
  • Chris Benoit was to the wrestling world what Peter Braunstein was to fashion magazines. Which means: He took the whole professional-insanity thing a bit farther. [Washington Post]