• What happens when you're high on coke and eluding cops in a cornfield? Some maize-y shit! [Daily Mail]
  
• Proving himself to be the poster child for special-needs reptiles everywhere, a one-eyed alligator attacked a golfer in Florida today. Both man and gator are doing fine. [CNN]
  
• Penguins used to be almost 5 ft tall! Monster penguins?! Awe-some. [Guardian]
  
• Mary-Louise Parker and Jeffrey Dean Morgan are kaput. Which is sad because they both have three names. And, uh, we sorta feel like Mary-Louise has been through enough after getting dumped by Billy Crudup shortly before giving birth to his child. [People]
  
• Istanbul has pulled out from hosting a Live Earth concert this summer. We suspect they're being grumpy at being snubbed by France in EU negotiations, which was because (we suspect) France was grumpy that Istanbul got named a cooler city than Paris. Follow? If you give a European city a cookie... [USA Today]

• Snubbed again! Apparently Carrie Underwood is a sexier vegetarian than we are. Harumph. We (and the Catholic school boys in our neighborhood) beg to differ. [ABC News]
• What words of wisdom did Paris Hilton take away from her prison stint? Sayeth the sheriff, "Paris, do a better job in your life." [TMZ]
• 9 U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]

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