Expert: Paris Hilton Handwriting Conclusive Proof She Is A RetardS

In times when security is tight and good information minimal, a team of crack experts can often divine truth from the tiniest clues. The Cold War had Kremlinologists, US Weekly has Dr. Marc Siegel, M.D., and Jezebel has Sheila Kurtz, MGA. She is president of a firm called Graphology, and she can read a LOT between the Paris Hilton's "slow-witted, methodical" lines.

According to Shelia, "Rarely do we see an independent adult write with such diminished capacity of comprehension." Well rarely do we see Paris Hilton and think the words "independent adult"! Also, this sentence: "Were it not for her intuition, which she may trust, but probably isn't trustworthy, the writer might take so long to come to reasonable conclusions that some would regard her as semi-handicapped." The full analysis after the jump. Basically Sheila sees in Paris Hilton's handwriting what we see: a retard, with flecks of Michael Jackson.

THIS IS the purported handwriting of Paris Hilton, and it indicates an immature and almost introverted child with a slow-witted, methodical mind (see the round-topped m's and n's, just like they taught her in grammar school).



Intuition is a way of coming to a conclusion by leaping over the stepping stones of logic, and this process accelerates the speed of thinking. Intuition is shown in handwriting by spaces between letters within words.



Were it not for her intuition, which she may trust, but probably isn't trustworthy, the writer might take so long to come to reasonable conclusions that some would regard her as semi-handicapped.

To a graphologist, the Paris Hilton writing looks like somebody caught in pre-rebellious, pre-pubescent years while most children are under the sway of teachers and parents.

The "y" down-strokes are straight without any loops, a signal that she is basically a rather shy loner, even though she may force herself to come across as friendly and personable. There is little sign of an imagination.

She is very efficient with small details (closely dotted i's). However, in order to stave off confusion, she must take on and finish one thought process at a time and then move on. With too many irons in the fire, she will try but fail to do many of them acceptably well.

Her signature is cutesy-showy, which is how she wants the world to see her. She consciously writes little hearts as dots over the i's, a typical childish gesture by people who wish to call attention to themselves, to be in the spotlight.

When you look at the rest of her writing it bears no resemblance to her signature. (Signatures are like logotypes; they are created to portray a particular picture of personality to the world. There is a marked resemblance between her writing and that of Michael Jackson, whose signature is sophisticated but whose text writing is also simple-minded and pre-pubescent.

Her goals are set high (the t-stems are crossed near the top), yet there is little indication of strength or follow-through behind them.

The open "e" loops are an indication of a mind unclogged with preconceptions. Ordinarily that is a useful trait, but in this writer's case, there may be a lack of meaningful perceptions altogether.

Rarely do we see an independent adult write with such diminished capacity of comprehension. This writer, it seems, may need competent adult guidance almost all the time. Those who pretend she is competent are probably taking advantage of her.

Sheila Kurtz, President, Graphology Consulting