Estrogen Does Not Exactly Enhance The Porn Viewing Experience

You know how when you're sitting there, wand in mano in crotch, trying to get into the latest installment of 'Girls Gone Wild Ultimate Rush', but you can't stop obsessing over the drop earrings the chick is wearing? No? The latest study on porn viewing habits from the Ivy Tower, I Can't Believe They Got Tenure For That Shit wing reminded us of the oft-overlooked Francis Fukuyama theory that the birth control pill fucked up everything for civilization:

Men went straight to the face and lingered awhile, but most of the women were more interested in the sexual activity. How much so depended on whether they were taking hormone-filled birth control pills.Those who were, Wallen said, were interested in the overall view of the photos and "background" items like jewelry, but women not on the pill were more interested in areas normally covered by clothing.

Being from the, er, un-attached quarters of the porn viewing public, we decided to submit this study's findings for corroboration to the rigorous Peer Review findings known as the "Buddy List."

Findings: inconclusive. But you wouldn't be on here if you weren't looking for NUANCE, right?

ladyfriend1: man! i really need to get off the pill

ladyfriend1: actually no i don't, i'm deleteriously horny as it is

ladyfriend1: anyway. i think i totally stare at the genitals? the vaginas specifically? whenever i watch porn i start to suspect that i am a lez

ladyfriend1: cause the vaginas are like all i care about, i'm fascinated by 'em

Hmm. Liberated!

ladyfriend2: and yes, i'm on the pill

ladyfriend2: but i haven't watched porn in ages

jezepill: yeah well you've been missing out on some serious 'background' items.

Ha!

jezepill: are you on the pill?

ladyfriend3: no

ladyfriend3: i go crazy

jezepill: ME TOO.

jezepill: the pill turns women into crazy bitches.

jezepill: cliches of women.

jezepill: have you ever watched porn while on the pill?

jezepill: no, because you don't have sex drive on the pill. if you are me you only desire to cry.

jezepill: there's a new study out and i think i'm going to do that thing where I try to corroborate detailed medical studies by IMing my friends

jezepill: so, "friend," women on the pill: better or worse at fucking?

jezepill: bc, according to this new study they are way worse at looking at porn

jezepill: when women on the pill watch porn they look at the details of the furnishings and the lighting and crap

manbuddy1: Worse. You don't have that risk of knocking them up. You miss that edge.

jezepill: you're sooooo trying to get in my pants!

jezepill: Ok. Women on pill. worse in bed? I'll tell you why in a min.

manbuddy2: no. because the fun of finishing inside, unprotected boosts their rating immediately.

manbuddy3: i agree with that completely

manbuddy3: doesn't surprise me at all

And finally, our eureka moment!

ladyfriend4: that's so odd

ladyfriend4: well, i'm definitely on the pill (or was, i'm 4 days late picking up my refill bc i really want to get inseminated) and i prefer full shots of the entire, uh, "scene."

ladyfriend4: i hate when the women are wearing jewelry and shoes and all that. take your fucking heels off, for god's sake.

jezepillOH MY GOD YOU NOTICE.





Study: In Sexy Shots, Men Look At Faces First
[USA Today]