I like to think I have decent judgement about guys, but this was my bad. A few months back I hired a nerdy little fuck named David Seaman for the preposterously well-remunerated position of Jezebel intern and no sooner did that happen was I forced to fire him. In her defense, Anna did not like him. But in my defense, David seemed to me ambitious in a familiar way, like most alumni of the college from which I dropped out, which also happens to be the alma mater of Donald Trump and Melissa Rivers, so there you fucking go. So like I sad, it was my bad. I was busy! Also in my defense, it's not like I would have slept with him. Especially when I bestowed upon him the nickname "D-Splooge" and he immediately commenced signing all his emails "D-Splooge," only to ask at our first-ever intern meeting, totally earnestly: "So, where did you get that nickname anyway?" (Hint: Seaman SOUNDS LIKE SEMEN).
We finally fired D-Splooge after he responded to a lengthy email we sent him reminding him that "this job is about hard work, not self-promotion, for all of us" by staging a Free Paris Hilton protest outside the company HQ. When we fired him, he asked for money.