Rihanna Falls Prey To Anna Wintour's Hair-Gemony

We've been all a-scratch over what the hell was so damn irksome about Teen Vogue Intern Diana's Friday blog dispatch on attending the Venus Celebrity Legs Of A Goddess Event with R&B chanteuse Rihanna. Perhaps it was:

  • The name "Celebrity Legs Of A Goddess" (Someone was paid to come up with!)
  • The fact that the Venus "Celebrity Legs Of A Goddess" event was held at NYC's Metropolitan Pavilion, where one can host a wedding reception for $135 to $175 a head.
  • The fact that $135 to $175 a head is considered a really good deal for a wedding reception in New York.
  • The fact that we even know that.
  • The knowledge that if Intern Diana is really really lucky she will, like the "bevy of professional photographers" she found herself amongst, find a job enabling her to continue attending such events after she graduates from Duke.
  • The bubble guns they hold in this picture, perhaps that they symbolize the infantilization of adults borne by market consumerism. Or just that they annoy us.
Oh shit, no, we just figured out the reason!

It's Rihanna's fucking haircut!

Rihanna Falls Prey To Anna Wintour's Hair-Gemony

Yeah, it makes her look drag-queeny, but that's missing the point! What we're depressed about is the fact that we know that haircuts are how women's magazine editors make deals, do business and wage war, because, when we wrote all jokes-ey-like about the haircut war between Vogue's Anna Wintour and Allure editor-in-chief Linda Wells, we got all these emails from Conde Nast people saying "Oh my god that's so true! They hate each other!" And so we can only assume that Teen Vogue editor-in-chief Amy Astley (middle) — herself a mere figurehead (hah!) at the Vogue empire and obvious prisoner of Anna Wintour's spHAIR of influence — has been forced as well to subtly (or not!) suggest certain Wintour-like shearing strategies to the celebrities the magazine features. [Not to mention her own hairdresser. -Ed.] Anyway, if it matters any, we liked Rihanna better bang-less, like the first time she met the Teen Vogue blog staff.

The Day I Met Rihanna [Teen Vogue]

Off With Her Head: Anna Wintour Not Exactly A Style Icon To 'Allure''s Linda Wells