If You Feel The Tag Rubbing Against Your Breasts, You've Got The Damn Dress On Backwards

  • Oh, Britney, Britney, Britney. Front, back. Front, back. We know: It's complicated! [People.com]
  • Sweet revenge! Jennifer Lopez's former assistant has been hired away from her by her husband Marc Anthony's ex-wife, Dayanara Torres. Secrets revealed, copious tears to come. [Radar]
  • President Bush's watch has gone missing somewhere in Albania. If you have any leads on the missing timepiece, feel free to call anyone you know and tell them. It's easy to report things to the government when we're all being wiretapped! [Daily Mail]
  • Anne Heche may be crazy, but she's retained custody of her child. [TMZ]
  • Ok, so not only did tuberculosis dude know he had TB before hopping on an airplane, now his family is being difficult with health officials. This is no way to win friends and influence people. [CNN]
  • It's been a long day and we nearly burst into tears upon reading this one: A deaf, captive dolphin has given birth to a calf, and marine biologists have installed a voice box in a rehab center so that the newborn can still learn to "speak" normally. [CNN]
  • Oh the things you do when you know you're headed out of office! Like, uh, call the press a "feral beast." Nice work, Tony Blair! [NYT]
  • In England, a snooker player beat up a ref! We report only on this because we're mildly fascinated by snooker. Not so much the game, but the word. Which we think is hilarious. And incidentally rhymes with lucre and not booker. [BBC]
  • Any man who would divorce long-time girl crush Catherine Keener is a fool. [USA Today]
  • English golf clubs not must allow women to drink in their bars. Well, phew! That's a big one! Glad we knocked that one out of the way before, oh, equal pay for equal work! [Guardian]
  • Three U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]