Shear Genius, Sheer Stupidity

We've tried really hard all season long to like Bravo's Shear Genius: To care about the contestants; to make heroes and villains out of its judges; to have retained at least one quotable moment from the entire season. And for eight long weeks we've waited, hoping with each passing episode that maybe, (just maybe!) next time the show wouldn't be so damn boring, that someone would, you know, slip up with a straight razor and open a vein, or burn someone's scalp with a badly-mixed batch of haircolor. Something. But last night's finale was more of the same, where the contestants cut a fucking bob, Jaclyn Smith's eyebrows refused to budge, Sally Hershberger scowled, and Michael Carl from Allure tried to convince everyone that he was as vicious as Project Runway's Nina Garcia. (Note to Michael: We served with Nina Garcia; we knew Nina Garcia; Nina Garcia was a friend of ours. And Michael, you're no Nina Garcia). Anyway, Anthony won. We'd actually love to tell you something about Anthony and his "shear genius" (apparently he's good with redheads!) but what's the point, really? After an entire season, we don't know anything about the guy other than that he's from Britain and sexually ambiguous. And if a girl can't even tell if an English hairdresser is fucking gay or not, then, really, what good is she anyway?
Shear Genius