Someone do us a big favor and explain exactly what starlets, editors, stylists and other assorted image-makers mean when they say a woman has "curves". According to People.com (via InStyle magazine) Jessica Alba is announcing that she "had womanly curves at a young age", which we take to mean that she once ate normally and exercised moderately. (We have it on good authority that Jessica's visible ribcage had to be airbrushed out of a recent fashion magazine spread — and it wasn't InStyle's). But women's magazines are so conflicted about the definition of the word "curves" that they use it to describe anyone from boobs-on-a-beanpole models like Gisele Bundchen to "normally"-sized starlets like Scarlett Johansson to plus-size ladies like Camryn Manheim now that she is more, well, minusly-plus-sized.
What, then, are curves? Are they big breasts? Padded hips? 20+ extra pounds of fat? Anything that leads you to work out at the Christian-owned gym Curves? (Like an inability to boycott Christian-owned Domino's Pizza??) Moreover, are "curves" the kind of thing that, when people accuse you of having them, means they are actually subtly undermining you a la "You look really healthy!" (Subtext: "You gained seven pounds and I can so tell!") Seriously, let us know. We don't really want to think about anything substantial today.