Once a week, our friend Slut Machine presents her take on the week's girlie gabfests. On the docket for today: Oprah loves the booze, Tyra kicks up her heels over sex, and Rosie wonders what happened to all the feminists. Oh, and as advertised, poop makes a minor appearance. (In words, not pictures, people!) Click play to experience the insanity through another's eyes.

Sex! Booze! Feminism! Poop! These were the main topics this week that weren't just touched upon—they were groped, fondled and fingered by Oprah, Tyra, Babs and the Gang. God, I love daytime TV. But not as much as Tyra Banks loves porno. She had two shows dedicated to porn this week.

For a lady who says she's anti-pornography, Tyra loves regularly chatting it up with members of the sex industry. And while we're on the subject: How bullshit is her " don't agree with what you do" stance? Back in the day—before 161—I seem to remember Tyra having a very lucrative career posing wet and sandy on the beach in a thong, and using those tig ol' bitties to sell sheer bras. I'd bet that her "classy" sexy modeling in Sports Illustrated swimsuit editions and Victoria's Secret catalogs probably had a lot more sticky pages than those of hardcore mags with"raunchy" poses.

Bless her heart, though, as it's in the right place. Everything she does, misguided or not, is done in the name of empowering women, which actually used to be known as "feminism" for a while. The ladies on The View are old enough to remember it—and they dragged it through the mud this week. Rosie talked about how feminism was pretty much dead as a movement, and Barbara Walters told her that was because, as women, we are no longer maligned and we have won the battle. (Wait—we've achieved equality? I didn't get that memo. Yay?) And then guest co-host Kathy Griffin blamed the failures of feminism for letting Paris Hilton get so famous. I don't know, I think society as a whole needs to take the rap for that one.

Thankfully, Oprah kept it light this week—because she was drunk. That woman loves her tequila. Who knew? (Gayle did, I bet.) O threw a party with her neighbors, relaxed at a spa, danced with John Travolta, and talked about poop shapes and penis size with Dr. Oz. Suddenly, middle age seems like it might be kinda awesome.

The Oprah Winfrey Show
The View
The Tyra Banks Show
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