Next Time, Nelly Furtado Might Want To Keep Her Closet Doors Closed

Nelly Furtado is so very proud of her (self-purported) stylish ways, that she opened up her fashion scrapbook to share her 10 fave looks of the past year with People.com. Sounds innocent enough, we know — but the exercise all but burned our retinas from the trauma of it all. So to work through our issues, we've decided to re-caption Nelly's comments with some of our own. After the jump, of course.

Next Time, Nelly Furtado Might Want To Keep Her Closet Doors Closed


They say: Before performing "Maneater" at the 2007 Fashion Rocks event in New York City, Nelly cruised down the red carpet in a dramatic navy Versace dress and vintage chandelier earrings. "The cut on the shoulders was really flattering," the singer says.
We say: Her burgeoning Cousin It hair is taking her over from the crown of the head on down, while her dress seems to be choking her from the neck up.

Next Time, Nelly Furtado Might Want To Keep Her Closet Doors Closed


They say: "I like to show off my curves to display the uniqueness of my body," Nelly says of her figure-hugging vintage Hervé Légér dress for the 2006 Teen Choice Awards. "When I put this dress on, it just felt funky, modern, fresh and youthful."
We say: Nelly says she likes the dress because it shows off her curves. We say we like it because what it lacks in style, it makes up for in optical illusion.

Next Time, Nelly Furtado Might Want To Keep Her Closet Doors Closed


They say: Before picking up the prize for best international female at the Brit Awards, Nelly says she was "freezing my butt off" in this Sass & Bide dress. "The dress is very fun and rock and roll and the Brit Awards are pretty rock and roll."
We say: We're "laughing our butts off" at the sight of Nelly's nude stockings.

Next Time, Nelly Furtado Might Want To Keep Her Closet Doors Closed


They say: For the Grammy Awards in February, Nelly was on a hunt for something "really fun and carefree" - and she found it in this elaborate Roberto Cavalli party dress, with gold lamé embroidery, beading and feather hem. "I wanted to have a good night and have a good time!" she says.
We say: What does a girl like Nelly do if she finds she's been toilet-papered enroute to a big event? Whip out her bedazzler and a big toothy grin, of course!

Next Time, Nelly Furtado Might Want To Keep Her Closet Doors Closed


They say: Before picking up a Billboard Music Award for "Promiscuous," Nelly walked the red carpet at the MGM Grand in a modest vintage Vivienne Westwood dress.
We say: Wearing the drapes is always in style. Just think Carol Burnett as Scarlett O'Hara!

Next Time, Nelly Furtado Might Want To Keep Her Closet Doors Closed


They say: At the David Jones fashion show in Australia, Nelly picked her own casual jeans combo, accessorized with Moschino peep-toe pumps and a Chanel bag. "This isn't a stylist," she says. "This is me putting this together and what I felt comfortable in that day."
We say: We admire Nelly's confidence in her physical stature, as a girl's got to be sure she's supermodel-tall before severing her leg line with a cropped pant.

Next Time, Nelly Furtado Might Want To Keep Her Closet Doors Closed


They say: For the MTV Europe Music Awards in Copenhagen, Nelly showed off a one of a kind couture dress by Dsquared ("They're lovely people") and, on her arms, airbrushed flames. "Everyone thought they were tattoos but they were just temporary," she says.
We say: When wearing a neutral (and yes, metallics count as neutral), it's good to infuse your look with a little color. And if you do so with fake tattoos running up and down your arms — well, that's one option!

Next Time, Nelly Furtado Might Want To Keep Her Closet Doors Closed


They say: At the MTV Video Music Awards Latin America in Mexico City, the Versace-clad singer walked the press line with fellow Latina Shakira before performing an eight-minute number with Puerto Rican Reggaeton group Calle 13. "It was quite a spectacle," she says.
We say: True, nothing offsets a tan quite like white. But it's not worth the skin cancer for a dress that appears to be puckering in the front.

Next Time, Nelly Furtado Might Want To Keep Her Closet Doors Closed


They say: When asked to host Canada's Juno music awards, Nelly was given the freedom to wear something silly. After flying in a harness dressed "like a bird," the singer donned this crazy outfit. "I actually wanted it to be even uglier than this," she says.
We say: Our mother always taught us if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. So we'll shut up now.