Vagina Monoblogs: Examining The Mystery Of Alyssa Shelasky's Breakup With The One Guy She Respected Enough Not To Bestow A Gay Nickname Upon

Alyssa Shelasky has just announced on her blog that she has inexplicably broken up with her boyfriend of a month and a half (and she's making a valiant effort not to equate it with the Virginia Tech tragedy!). In light of this surprising romantic development, and Alyssa's unsatisfying lack of explanation for it ("It didn't work out") we've come up with a few theories as to why things went south.

  • The Glamour online team has laid down the law. Ostensibly a dating blogger, Alyssa has not actually blogged about a date since agreeing to see her no-name-ex, a guy who didn't want to be blogged about. To compensate, she's focused on issues like how she stays thin and other really, really boring shit we can't remember, and posted lots of photographic evidence of her giant forehead, all of which rendered Miss Lyss virtually unreadable. Furthermore, there is reason to believe Glamour is laying down the law with all their bloggers, given the curious timing of both "Suze on Style" blogger Suze Yalof Schwartz and "Slaves To Fashion" blogger Ashley Baker's joining of some fledgling social-networking site called MySpace (interestingly, only Suze has figured out how to register her own permanent, personalized MySpace URL). Perhaps Conde Nast forced Alyssa to choose between love and her unquenchable thirst for self-promotion?
  • "Edgy English Teacher" edged his way back into her... ew.
    If there's been one anchor in Alyssa's online life, it's been a mysterious, sometime guest blogger she's dubbed "Edgy English Teacher," a moniker we assume she's given him because he's an English teacher given to sublime utterances like "better buy her some Prada this weekend or no nookie."
  • Alyssa's dad walked in on her and her no-nickname-ex having sex.
    Alyssa lives with her parents, dontcha know? And dad was weirded out. Or aroused! And Alyssa was weirded out by that. Or aroused! Imagine the possibilities! No, seriously, don't.

    Alyssacentric: Stormy Everything [Glamour]