The Hills star Lauren Conrad apparently made a sex tape back when she was with her eminently classy and mild-mannered boyfriend Jason, and now Jason — headed to jail for 60 days following something of a tipsy brawl with a few members of the lumpenproletariat — is trying to sell it on the interwebs! This gives someone — we bet you can guess that "someone"'s gender! — the opportunity to observe, anonymously:
"LC's got really large beef curtains."
Sometimes — a Nicholson Baker book once pointed out to us — our opinion on an issue changes without us even realizing it. Whereas the term "sex tape" once inspired in us a sort of woozy, unclean feeling reminiscent of how we felt looking at Missing And Exploited Children pictures on the sides of milk cartons, now we're like, "Sex tape? A reality TV star? Really? Maybe potential employers will figure out a way to test for that, like with your piss or something. Huh. We don't know how they'd do that though."
Speaking of employers: Maybe LC should have been working for the Hearst Corporation, not Conde Nast. Because as you can see from our mash-up of LC and Jason with an item from this month's Redbook, the Teen Vogue intern was apparently right in step with the cultural mores of that rival company's readers.