Slut Machine's Midweek Madness: Lindsay: Fully (Re)-Loaded

This week's Star publishes a rather glowing two-page spread about Lindsay Lohan's commitment to her new-found sobriety, despite numerous reports that suggest otherwise. In keeping with her clean-living, Star reports, Lindsay has been drinking tons of Kombucha, a tea brewed from bacteria and yeast. (Glad to know the yeast is going in and not the other way around!).

Star also reports that the post-rehab Lindsay is in stunningly good spirits (if "good spirits" means "top shelf," then sure!) and that her new motto is to "live everyday to its fullest—in moderation." Um, are we high, or is she? Isn't that a contradiction? Whatever the case, it's nice to know that behind those fake-tanned scowls, Lindsay is proving to be an optimist. When life hands her lemons, she takes a shot!