In an unbelievable scoop, the UK's Heat Magazine has a WORLD EXCLUSIVE on Britney Spears this week. Apparently, poor old Brit took time out of her shaven bubble of hell to call the magazine and tell them - AND ONLY THEM! exactly what was going on in her head.

Just kidding. Although you'd be forgiven for thinking that, given the magazine's breathlessly dramatic cover:

Britney Breaks Her Silence!

By the time you've shelled out more than $3 dollars it's too late to realize that the closest they've got to speaking to Britney is a brief chat with the cousin of the guy who knows the man who mows the lawn at Britney's rehab clinic, and the best you'll get is that she talks to Kevin on the phone a lot, she misses her kids, and she's not feeling terrifically great at the moment.

But hey, if it makes you feel all cutting edge to know what Britney's janitor thinks, then be our guest.