If we didn't know they were both far to dumb to come up with something like this, we'd suspect that Kevin and Britney were playing us for fools.
Let's face it, Kevin was in a lot of trouble before now, having proved himself a greasy fool who sperminated the world's famous (sort of) virgin, twice, no less. He was always on a loser, because while the world will forgive Britney anything (we think she could even bounce back from drowning a puppy), they won't forgive any man who isn't Justin Timberlake putting his pee-pee in her hoo-haa.
What to do?
Easy.
Feed Brit loads of coke and ecstasy and meth and have her wear no knickers and suck the nipples of women. Which is all kinda fun, really. Then shave her hair off and send her to rehab for a nice little rest. Meanwhile, the world cries out. Bad Britney! You're a slut!
Enter, St Kevin, clutching two babies to his breast, and pledging to defend them with his life, or his drug stash or whatever.
Make sure St Kevin visits the Mad Slut in rehab. Tell him not to get high beforehand, and make sure he's wearing a serious and caring expression. Ensure presence of paps.
Finally, get St Kevin to shave his head.
Don't whatever you do let anyone know it's really because he got lice from that stripper in Malibu last week. Ensure that the barman in Vegas who's on a monthly retainer from Star Magazine is told that Kevin did it for love, and in solidarity with the Mad Slut.
Sit back, and watch the good vibes roll in.
Oh, and don't forget to call People to arrange the $40,000 exclusive once the Mad Slut gets out.
Hubby Kev's Hair for Britney[The Sun]
