So, Britney, who we are pretty sure is not smart enough to hang herself — which is a good thing, don't get us wrong, for America — is apparently worried she might be the "Antichrist." The Antichrist, in case you didn't know, is a made-up concept popularized by the bestselling Left Behind books, which are sort of like L. Ron Hubbard books but better sellers because they get prime slottage at Wal-Mart. Apparently Britney didn't get the memo, though, Barack Obama is WAYY the front runner among candidates for AC. Does Brit stand a chance? What would the Bible say? After the jump, we lay out Brit vs. Bar's AC credentials. You can read them — but why bother informing yourself before voting anyway? Take the poll!
Britney allegedly tries to kill herself in rehab [News of the World]
Meet the Antichrist [Wonkette]
The Antichrist is supposed to come out of nowhere and have people
According to some apocryphal Bible texts the AC is supposed to be tall of stature, of handsome appearance with shining face, and well put together in all parts of his body...
Obama 1, Brit 0. While her face is probably shining from all the lack of bathing, the whole "well put together" part sorta knocks her out of the running.
According to Daniel, the AC will probably be either Jewish or atheist (probably both) and gay or a eunuch. "Neither shall he regard the God of his fathers, nor the desire of women, nor regard any god: for he shall magnify himself above all"
Obama 0, Brit 0, Sarah Silverman 1. Barack and Brit both have kids and convingly straight proclivities. If Brit turns out to be a Jew, though, maybe she is the AC.
According to Revelation, the Antichrist is supposed to make war with "saints." And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them: and power was given him over all kindreds, and tongues, and nations.
Obama 0, Brit 0.5. The universe that canonizes Cheney, Rumsfeld, Bush and the Clintons as "saints" would accept K-Fed as its lord and savior.