Simon Cowell Turns Agony AuntS

It's interesting to think what Simon Cowell would have made of Britney Spears, if instead of her being a child-star/teen pop sensation/bloodied piece of roadkill, she'd emerged as an adult contestant on American Idol. We think she'd have made it to the final, but been booted off early on for having no soul. Much like Taylor Hicks. Oh, wait a minute.....

But it's also interesting that most of the American Idol stars have so far remained relatively untainted by celebrity excess (Get OFF the damn web-cam, or it's bed with no dinner for you, Clay!), and perhaps Simon is the reason why. The ever down-to-earth impresario explains why he has no patience with celeb rehab addicts like Britney and Robbie Williams - because they just don't know how lucky there are. Who knew?

But he does reveal his management plan for any AI star looking for the sympathy drug vote (pay attention Justin Guarini, we think you're gonna need this info in the future):

"I would make it compulsory that they have to go and live in a developing country for a couple of weeks. And then when you get home, as your butler is opening your curtains and making sure your bath water is the right temperature, you'll realise everything is fine."

In other news, the St Angelina Jolie Clinic catering to drug-addled starlets is due to open in Ethiopia any day now, with a free baby for every successful rehab. Does that woman ever stop caring?

[Simon Cowell blasts Britney] Daily Mirror