24-Hour Vacation Boobs Sound Like Your Basic Nightmare

A New York City doctor has finally devised a way to give women a saline solution injection that will increase cup size a cup or cup.5 bigger with a 20-minute procedure. The catch? It only lasts 24 hours, then they deflate, probably accompanied by the sound of air releasing from a tire.

To be clear, the 24-hour “insta breast” already exists. Dr. Norman Rowe invented the procedure so women could essentially test drive a boob job and see how they feel living with more real estate up top. But, he told ABC News, “Twenty four hours is great, but it’s still just 24 hours.” His next idea is temporary implants that last weeks.

Genevieve Shaw Brown at ABC News reported last week:

Rowe said the two-to-three-week breast “implants” are perfect for a special occasion — such as a wedding or vacation — but also give women a better opportunity to see what living with larger breasts is really like.

“You can use 3-D imaging and put implants in bras,” he said, “but it’s another thing to see what the weight will actually feel like and what it will be like to live with the new breasts.”

While Rowe won’t disclose the chemical makeup of the solution that will allow the saline-plus-additive to not only last but to stay in the right place, he said it’s something that’s already widely used in the medical community for other purposes.

And yes, as with any procedure, there’s some risk. ABC News’ senior medical contributor, Dr. Jennifer Ashton, said there’s a hematoma risk if the injection hit a blood vessel, and then potential longterm risks that are still unknown. The procedure will set you back $2500. (Rowe told ABC News the longer implant could cost less if demand goes up.) The sky is the limit, too. Men could use it for calf implants or new pecs, Rowe said.

Now let’s get down to brass tacks here (kept a safe distance from those temp boobs). The pros (other than deciding if you want a permanent boob job): Becoming a different person for a day or few weeks. Feeling different. Experiencing the world with culturally approved enhancements. New you. Honestly, I get it. New temporary boobs is a hella intriguing experiment for all sorts of reasons. Like wearing a wig or going blonde, it would be pretty fascinating to see how people might treat you (for better or for worse), and assuming it’s low risk and the money isn’t an issue, the lack of commitment could make it pretty low-maintenance fun for a day or a few weeks.

In a piece considering the possible pros and cons of the procedure, Claire Hannum at The Frisky wondered how anyone could put up with the barrage of rude questions that would inevitably come your way, though. “I can pretty much guarantee you’d spend a massive chunk of the event you got the boob job for either explaining the boobs or explaining why you don’t feel like talking about the boobs,” she mused.

But all my friend and I could imagine were the many worst-case scenarios beyond the basic medical risk or being inundated with personal questions. I’m talking about all the things that could potentially go wrong by tempting fate in this way by trying to set aside EVEN 24 hours to have a bangin’ time with new boobs —for some women it might be a test run, but for others it might just be fun to have a quick bod-mod with no intention of going permanent. You know, Occasion Boobs. Prom Boobs. Weekend Boobs. One-Night Stand Boobs. Get some boobs, go to a different neighborhood bar one night. Reunion Boobs. Revenge Boobs. Crawl In Bed Late After Getting New Boobs and See if Your Husband Even Notices Boobs. Promotion Boobs. Interview Boobs. Bored Boobs. Angry Boobs. You get the idea (boobs).

But whatever the “festive” occasion when a woman just wants bigger boobs for exactly 24 hours, when you’re up against an entire day with a new set of ta-tas and the clock is ticking and you dropped a coupla thousand dollars, you’re going to want this shit to count. That means it’s prom night all night, it’s find-your-prince-or-bust time, it’s New Year’s Eve style pressure to have a great fucking time. And that is terrible.

What if you got your boobs, plan a big night with your partner, and then:

Plane crash

Death (Becomes Her — get it?!?!)

Do boobs stay inflated in casket?

Stomach virus

Diarrhea

Pink eye

Get your period

Broken nose

Trip because of new center of gravity and knock out two front teeth

Anything gastrointestinal

Get drunk too fast because you’re excited about your boobs, spend the night vomiting

Typhoon — can’t wear bikini on vacation

Snowstorm — must wear coat covering boobs

Dad finds out — scolds you about budgeting

Flight delayed or canceled due to inclement weather, boobs deflate before vacation even starts

One boob deflates mysteriously (a London plastic surgeon says it’s all too possible the boobs will deflate at different speeds)

Your own kid doesn’t recognize you

Boyfriend/husband/partner likes you “too much” this way

Partner gets gastrointestinal issue, can’t appreciate your boobs. Won’t even look at them, touch them

Partner indifferent to your boobs, “seen it all before.” Thinks you spent too much money on them. Seems bummed. Breaks up with you, for a woman who has implants (permanent)

Partner asks if you can get a vacation butt next time. Or vacation face

Stupid fight over someone looking at your boobs, break up, spend vacation alone, with boobs

SPEND VACATION ALONE WITH BOOBS DO YOU HEAR ME (Ok, so this might not be so bad, all things considered.)