Britney Spears: Comfortably Numb?

Now that she's shaved her head, shaved her legs, and waxed her pubes, what's next for Britney Spears? If reports that she went bald to avoid having her hair drug-tested are true, she's got to do something about those eyebrows before some salon aesthetician sells her out to the Los Angeles child-welfare authorities.

Might we suggest Britney follow the example of Bob Geldof in Pink Floyd's The Wall and shave her brows off? Then, she can finally get down to leaving this rock-star business behind and cultivate her drug-fueled breakdown into an imaginary career as a fascist leader.