Oh the agony.

Dear Gawker-for-Girlies,

can you sack a bridesmaid? Mine is unhelpful, uncooperative and hates any bridesmaid dresses I suggest. Help.

Yours, Bemused Bride.

Dear Bemused Bride,

Happy to help. You are a monstrous priggish bridezilla-esque control freak and absolutely everyone who has ever, or will ever meet you, hates you. Your mother hates you. Your fiance is having sex with men in desperation. In short, you are a cow. Leave the bridesmaid alone and cut your wrists. Oh, and remember, it’s down the street, not across.

Yours, Gawker-for-Girlies.

[we hate you even more than you hate yourself]