Someone get us the eye-bleach, pronto.

Why Kylie? Why?

Again with the ratty hair and roots! We know you are a candidate for sainthood because not only did you survive cancer, but you are also a celebrity, but do you really think Mother Teresa ran around with ratty hair and roots? Or a shiny shiny face? And a dress that looks like someone threw up all over it in 1983?

We know everyone is going to say to say you looked fabulous in this bacofilm monstrosity at the BAFTAs last night because you are a candidate for sainthood because of that cancer/celebrity stuff, but you don’t. You really don’t.

Talk to Nicole Kidman or something. Get your class back.