In today's not gonna happen news.........

We're always amused by fans under the delusion that the celebrity they stalk adore actually give a flying toss about them. Even more so when that celebrity is Victoria Beckham, who thinks about nothing except one raisin a day and how to get photographed a lot. We suspect even her shopping lists are ghost-written.

So, after a pleasant morning rootling around Victoria's website, it pained even our shrivelled little hearts to see the following heartfelt plea to Victoria:

"I would love to pursue my singing carrer, but im not sure how to go about it!! Could you please give me advice on what i should do? Where i should go? Who should i contact? How did you start your singing career in the spice girls? How did it become? I dont think you should have stopped singing! How about we bring out a single together!!! Lol!! xxxx

Amanda"

Well, yeah. Good luck with Victoria getting back to you on that, Amanda.

[Victoria opens her heart]
[Live in hope, dear]