Exclusive! Victoria Beckham speaks. Or her lips move. Or something.

We don't know about you, but we really want to know Victoria's Beckham's secret thoughts. Luckily, now we can. She's got a website! Oh hurrah!

Join us for a glimpse of a very thin rich woman's cognitive processes, after the jump.

"Dear everybodey,

Well, it was a long flite to LA! Lots of hours all one after the other. David decided to reed his latest autobiografy to see what he had been up to, but I don't reed books althow somebodely told me I wrote one once, so I just sat and consentrated on my sunglasses which were on my face.

When we got to Los Angles the sky was very blue and the sun was shining in a yellow way and the grass was all green which was very nice. And people shouted reely nice things to us, like 'eat a fucking sandwich you skinny bitch', and 'why does your husband sound gay', and we felt very at home because people do that all the time in England and Spane and everyware. So that was nice.

We're having some people look for some schools or something for the children.

Also we went to lots of parties, and met lots of people that Tom Cruise allowed us to meet. My new best frend is Jessica Sientology-Minder (what a funny name! I think she must be Spanish!) who is also best frends with Katie Holmes who is also best friends with me, even thow I don't know her very well, and she is hideosly fat.

Los Angles is very big and I don't know my way around yet. But that does not matter because I will pay someone to know my way around for me.

Today I had a grilled cheese sanmwich for lunch.

Ha ha. Just kidding.

I had a raisin. And it was nice.

Back soon,

Love and kisses,

Victorya.

[Victoria's Opus Magnum]