The top five ways to tell if your boyfriend is gay:

  1. He's French.
  2. He's French and he doesn't like you putting your handbag on the kitchen counter because it 'ruins the asthetics' [trust us on this one, girls, we speak from experience].
  3. He enjoys folk dancing [see above]
  4. In the midst of anal sex he calls you Steven
  5. He wears this:

[gay, gay, gay]