Poor Brandon Holley. Having given astoundingly unfunny 'comic' Sarah DiMuro a whole three months in which to lose her virginity and win a book deal after blogging her efforts, the Jane Magazine editor finds herself saddled with someone who couldn't apparently lose her virginity if she laid naked on the cobbles of the Meatpacking district on a Friday night. Worse still, DiMuro is strictly of the 'I had a grilled cheese sandwhich for lunch and gee I hate my mom' species of blogger. Witness:
"Have you ever been so ashamed of yourself you just wanted to die? Well, here is a doozy that'll make you hate me. I went out with a friend of mine last Thursday and while I was sitting at the bar this cute guy started talking to me. He was funny, great smile and we joked around for a bit. Then, THEN I got up to go to the bathroom and discovered he was about 3 inches shorter than me. I couldn't help it; I just lost interest. I know, I know: 'My name is Sarah DiMuro and I've entered Phase: Vain in my dating arc.'"
And so, a month after the deadline that would have provided the only dramatic hook to her now surely never-to-be book deal, Sarah sits there amongst the rolling cyber tumbleweeds, her private parts determinedly un-penetrated, fornlornly blogging into the void.
Brandon, just give the girl a super-absorbent tampon and let nature take its course. For all our sakes.