Don't ask, don't tell.

Over at Askmen.com they think they know women. Really know women. And they're just full of handy little tips to ensure the boys can maintain effortless control over the little women in their lives.

Girlfriend getting a little flabby? No problem. Here's the six things you can say to get her from fatso to scary skinny so that you can have sex with her again without wanting to vomit.

  1. "I don't like the way that outfit looks on you any more." Is that so, my darling? And I don't really give a fuck what you think, my love. I thought we'd established that ages ago.
  2. "I can't get over how fat I feel."
    Then go on a diet, moron.
  3. "Your friend isn't nearly as attractive since she gained that weight."
    Yeah, and I stopped fucking her husband when he lost his hair.
  4. "I have a new female trainer at the gym."
    Well, I''m sure she'll find you devastatingly attractive and will want to have hot passionate sex with you, dear. No, really. I'm sure she will.
  5. "Let's help each other lose a couple of pounds."
    You do what the fuck you like you quivering mass of blubber. Me, I'm doing just fine, thank you very much. And I'm shagging your brother, by the way.