Left image by my dad. Right image via 16.

I recently made the mistake of telling my so-called friend Kate Dries [Ed. Note: and the rest of the world] that, circa 1997-8, I heavily resembled Zac Hanson, the youngest member of the band Hanson.

Kate demanded side-by-side photographic proof and once I provided it, she—along with Emma Carmichael—asked me to blog about it. I said “uh” and they said I had to.

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They also asked me to tell you that the summer before or after I looked like Zac, I cut my hair short and looked confusingly like Jonathan Taylor Thomas. A lot of people accidentally referred to me as “son,” which is fine because gender? It’s a construct, babe.

In the end, all I ever really wanted was to look like Christina Ricci in Casper.

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I never did.