Paris Hilton's breast implants go horribly wrong.

Who should follow Nick Lachey, Johnny Knoxville, Colin Farrell, my next door neighbour and the postman into the sacred underneath bits of Jessica Simpson? You decide. They missed off Wilmer Valderrama, which would have taken celebrity coupling to previously unheard of levels of skank.

The emaciated corpse of Nicole Ritchie, may she rest in peace, enjoys watersports.

Louis Roederer tells P Diddy he ain't gonna be his bitch.