Freebie time.

Editor-in-Chief of In Touch, Richard Spencer sent a team of ninjas off to the MTV Movie Awards on June 4. Pausing only to peruse the plastically pumped automaton formerly known as "The Ugly Simpson Sister", the daring band of hired killers stepped silently over the corpse of Nick Lachey's career and darted backstage where they wrestled Paris Hilton for an official gift bag. She already had five, so they felt they were quite justified in slitting her throat and stuffing the body under a table where they discovered Nicole Ritchie with her fingers down her throat, a stream of vomit on her chin and a surprised smile of triumph on her face.

And all so that In Touch can bring you, dear reader, the chance to win that bloodstained booty for yourself.

"The [bag], worth nearly $5,000, includes a gift certificate for Vans sneakers, a Netfilx subscription and DVD player, XM2go satellite radio and MP3 player, Fendi-Marchon suglasses, a Givenchy watch, a Bozart necklace, a free reading with celebrity psychic Cheri Mancuso, and much more."

Phew! It also, from what I can see, contains a grubby grey bullet-proof bra, for some reason. Was Britney invited? Hey, for $5k, who's quibbling. If you know which actress zany rubber-faced manic etc etc star Jim Carey was married to (clue, it was Lauren Holly, poor dear), text WIN.CMT and the answer to 73268. And then you can sell Britney's grubby emergency bra on ebay.

Or just mail it back to Britney. Breast feeding takes its toll on a girl's funbags and she needs all the support she can get right now.