The crutch of the matter.

I feel that Martha Stewart would approve of Laurie Johnson. You see, when Laurie's husband and 23-month-old son were killed in a plane crash that left her alive but with with a broken leg, she realized that rather than sit around moping, she should get out there and design perky crutches. "They were a ray of fun for me in an otherwise sad existence," she tells People Magazine. Well, quite.

Should I lose my entire family to a rogue wave on the high seas in an unsinkable ocean liner, but yet miraculously follow professional gambler Josh Lucas - who fortunately was in the navy before and so knows all about upside down boats - to safety, albeit with a fractured pelvis which will sadly rule out sex with Josh for at least a few months into our blissful new relationship, I think I will choose Sudan. You get double for your money. Not only do you perk up considerably with your funky new crutches, but just the mention of Sudan reminds you that as you limp to your recovery, thousands of hapless Africans are being raped, starved and hacked to death every single day. Such a comfort.

And if you thought crutchwear was something keeping your vagina warm, think again.