Pro-lifers are mad that maybe, possibly, someone at the Girl Scouts of the USA could've conceivably obliquely hinted that Wendy Davis isn't literally Satan. Consequently, a Texas pro-life group is attempting to rally the pitchforks for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies. Attempting to punish a bunch of 10-year-olds over some bullshit controversy—that's a great look!
ThinkProgress reports that it all started with this rather innocuous tweet:
— Girl Scouts (@girlscouts) December 18, 2013
It's clearly an automatically populated tweet, rather than an outright endorsement of anyone on the list, and it's actually Malala Yousafzai who's the main focus of the piece. But—horror of horrors!—Wendy Davis was mentioned. This has been interpreted as a full-throated endorsement of Wendy Davis and everything she stands for. Cue asinine Fox News segment:
The Girl Scouts followed up with a clarification that, "We shared the list, we didn't choose or endorse it," as well as issuing an apology to anyone offended. A spokesman also confirmed to us that no, this was not a fucking endorsement of Wendy Davis. (A paraphrase! Wouldn't want to end up getting cited as evidence the Girl Scouts are now pro-swearing.)
Add that to the endless, persistent rumors that Girl Scouts has some sort of official national relationship with Planned Parenthood—they don't—and here we are, with Breitbart declaring the launch of a boycott, organized by John Pisciotta, the leader of Pro-Life Waco. Additional participants include LifeNews, the American Life League, the Pro-Life Action League, the Radiance Foundation, blogger Jill Stanek, the National Black Pro-Life Union, the Issues4Life Foundation, and Life Coalition International.
The "Cookiecott" website blares: "The Girl Scouts recently endorsed pro-abortion politicians Wendy Davis and Kathleen Sebelius as worthy role models for our children. In response, we're asking you to boycott Girl Scout cookies in 2014," and comes with a flyer alleging everything short of the Girl Scouts being the IRL inspiration for American Horror Story: Coven.
Also, please note that the background image for the "Cookiecott" site is a pigtail-wearing child who appears to be crying.
Of course, pro-lifers have been after the Girl Scouts for years. They seem to be under the mistaken impression that those meetings aren't for an empowering combination of camping, coding and cookie-selling, but rather a systematic attempt to corrupt the morals of our beautiful, innocent daughters by telling a few of them who Gloria Steinem is. The horror! A few years of that and boom, you've got an army of teal-vest-wearing propagandists for Planned Parenthood. Game over, man! GAME OVER!
Joke's on them, anyway. More Tagalongs for me. This former Girl Scout can attest that they freeze fantastically.
Photo via Getty