Anne Hathaway Never Almost Drowned But Appreciates Your ConcernCallie Beusman1/22/14 9:18amFiled to: dirt baganne hathawayjustin biebershia labeouf1785EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalinkContrary to reports everywhere on the Internet (and to the riveting tale told in these Daily Mail captions), Anne Hathaway did not nearly drown two weeks ago. This is comforting because it means that Anne Hathaway did not experience a brush with death, and it also means that a sea of paparazzi weren't loafing around snapping pics while the actress struggled to stay above the ocean surface. Hooray!Advertisement"I'm fine," said Hathaway while promoting her new film at Sundance. "I really do appreciate everybody's concern but that was a picture that had a false story attached to it. The real story is not as interesting."Anne Hathaway joked that she was "playing charades [and] pulled Titanic"; the "real story" is probably that she was just in the ocean minding her own damn business. Seriously, if people took high-def candid photos of me while I was frolicking in the ocean, the news story would probably be "rare water demon in a cheap wig washes ashore to beachgoers' terror and concern." [HuffPo]Justin Bieber's identity continues to creep towards the spoilt prince of the rowdy goblin kingdom: yesterday, he went to a strip club and spent $75k in dollar bills, mostly by flinging them around. He also reportedly kicked in a door. Why can't he just stay in and play Settlers of Catan or something for once? [NY Daily News]Shia LaBeouf's whole life is one big performance piece, confirms Shia LaBeouf. He revealed his master plan — a conceptual "meta-modernist" art project created in collaboration with some important art world people — on Twitter (duh). The posts have since been deleted. AdvertisementQuoth Shia: "All art is either plagarisum [sic] or revolution & to be revolutionary in art today, is to be reactionary." Totally. [ONTD]Bradley Cooper is going to star in "The Elephant Man" on Broadway. Sigh, back to the rom com box. [NY Daily News]Miley Cyrus has asked the creator of Ren and Stimpy to do her tour art. I don't even want to think about what kinds of fucked-up tongue stuff he's going to draw. [NY Daily News]Katie Lowes (Quinn from Scandal) used to nanny for Connie Britton's son!!! Proof that just being near Connie Britton's hair will make you famous. [NY Daily News]One Direction is going to be on Sesame Street, so here is a preview of that. Don't even talk to me about how it cut out before Niall's turn. I am so mad. [Gossip Cop]Robert Pattinson uses moisturizer now and is really satisfied with his new life. [Gossip Cop]Pete Wentz regrets piercing his penis. So, um, just keep that in mind if you or anyone you know is considering it. [Gossip Cop]Kaley Cuoco bought the most Gatorade I've ever seen in my life while wearing a shirt with the worst spoken word poetry in the world upon it. Stars: they're just like us (???). [Just Jared]Here's a link to so many angsty black and white photos of Taylor Kitsch. You are welcome. [ONTD]Madonna does not have dolphins in her living room in her Dubai home, despite reports. [ONTD]My favorite celebrity gossip rumor of all time is that Harry Styles and Taylor Swift broke up because she's too obsessed with antiquing, so here are some photos of her antiquing and then going to Whole Foods. She leads a good life. [ONTD]Images via Getty and Pacific Coast News.