Martha Stewart offered a painstaking and terrifying and thrilling review of her beauty regimen for the New York Times's Skin Deep column. Every single thing about it was perfect, from the casual mention of daughter Alexis's undermining skills ("I was told years ago by my daughter, Alexis, that I shouldn't leave the house without makeup on.") to her in-flight misting rituals ("On a recent plane ride to L.A., I sprayed myself five times.")(IT'S HYDRATING. SO SHE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A PRUNE, YOU SEE.)

The whole thing is nuts, in the best possible way. (She spritzes herself with Fracas three times a day. Fracas, you guys.)

Now, we know that Martha has enough money to slather herself in whatever serums she'd like ("I slather myself with serums.") in whatever quantities she chooses. That is her right, and even the most hardened Martha denier would be compelled to admit that she looks pretty freaking great for a 72-year-old lady. But how much do all these serums and potions and Samantha lip glosses actually cost? To follow is a thorough accounting of every product Martha mentioned as being part of her beauty regimen.

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SKIN CARE: $1212.99-$1291.99

Yon-Ka Gommage 305, $39.00

Susan Ciminelli Hydrating Gel Mask, $75.00

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Collagen mask from Mario Badescu, $18.00

Chanel Correction Lift, $150.00

Yon-Ka Lotion, $41.00

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the rose spray from Mario Badescu, $12.00

Susan Ciminelli Marine Lotion, $95.00

vitamin B*, $74.00 or SkinCeuticals C E Ferulic serum, $153.00

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Clé de Peau moisturizer, $130.00

SkinCeuticals moisturizer, $60.00

Clé de Peau eye cream, $250.00

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Caudalie eye cream, $98.00

SkinCeuticals Physical Fusion UV Defense (tinted and white versions), $34.00

AmorePacific cleansing oil, $50.00

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Shu Uemura cleansing oil, $77.00

Johnson's baby oil, $9.99

*Wild guess. Who knows, she might just burst vitamin B caplets and rub them on her face.

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MAKEUP: $455

AmorePacific tube called the Moisture Bound Tinted Moisturizer, $70.00

Clé de Peau Refining Fluid Foundation, $120.00

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YSL Touche Éclat Radiant Touch stick, $40.00

Bobbi Brown bronzer, $38.00

Clinique High Impact mascara, $16.00

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Givenchy mascara, $32.00

Latisse, approx. $120.00

Buxom lipgloss (Samantha color), $19.00

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FRAGRANCE: $233

Fracas, $125.00

Jour d'Hermès, $108.00

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HAIR: $82-$112

Frédéric Fekkai Ageless shampoo and conditioner, no longer listed on Fekkai's site; similar products retail for $20.00

Shu Uemura, the green line, $38.00-$68.00

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Sally Hershberger's Texture Blast, no longer listed on Hershberger's site; similar products retail for $24.00


Grand Total: Between $1982.99 - $2091.99

Price information based on manufacturer's online product information, where available; where not available, prices gleaned from Amazon.com's or Nordstrom's stated list price.

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Image via AP