I am not a person who is easily shocked, especially when it comes to shit. One time I watched with a blank face as a man took a dump on 40th Street and 10th Avenue and then wiped his butt by dragging his crack up the corner of a building. Whatever, it happens. But the unnatural rainbow of crap that's come out of my two-year-old daughter has been disturbing enough to give a person thyroid eyes.
Parents have to talk about their kids' poop just to process the trauma. And I'm sorry about this, but I'm going to need to take it a step further and just go ahead and post a picture of some toddler poop on the Internet, because it really is so insane-looking that I'd never be able to do it justice with text alone.
Also, if not "normal," blue shit is at least a really common thing. Apparently? Common enough, anyway, for moms and dads to continually turn to parenting message boards, desperate to know what the hell is going on and whether or not their children are actually cyborgs. Nobody actually knows what causes blue poop, but there are theories that it has to due with food coloring, Pedialyte, Pepto Bismal, or something else they ate. The important thing is that it's not one of the "scary" poop colors, meaning that children who crap blue aren't ill.
I actually cannot think of what my kid might have eaten to have turned her potty into such a horror show. Her diet hasn't changed, so this is just some weird excavation of her insides. She has been obsessed with Smurfs lately, playing with little figurines, so I briefly contemplated some kind of weird osmosis theory until I realized that I'm fucking losing my mind. If there's any osmosis going on, it probably involves my daughter's shit and my brains. So here we are.