It’s honesty week at Gawker Media, and if there’s one thing we’ve learned here, it’s this: Never forget not to not NOT judge a book by its cover. Inspired by BuzzFeed, we’ve put together a list of the most wrong and cruel things people think based on our appearances.

1. “That because I’m a redhead, Carrot Top is my dad!”

“People think Carrot Top is my dad just because I have red hair. He is!”

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-Sophie Kleeman

2. “That just because I sniff two tablespoons of glue every day at 11 a.m., that I really like office supplies.”

“A man can just like glue.”

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-Andy Orin

3. “That just because I look like someone who doesn’t necessarily have a basement full of severed ears, that I don’t actually have a basement that’s absolutely brimming with severed ears.”

“My basement is full of ears.”

-Anna Merlan

4. “That just because I walk on two legs, that my mom does too.”

“My mom is a doggie!”

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-Jia Tolentino

5. “That just because I’m cishet, I wouldn’t fuck a watermelon.”

“I fuck watermelons on a regular basis.”

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-Barry Petchesky

6. “That just because I’m a mammal, photosynthesis isn’t occurring on my front scalp every day.”

“Can you help me?”

-Joanna Rothkopf

7. “That just because I look Martian, have wall-to-wall red carpet in my apartment, and make constant references to how much better life is on a different planet, that I’m actually from Mars.”

“I’m interested in a lot of planets.”

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-Bobby Finger

8. “That my wedding ring has ANYTHING to do with f**king!”

“What goes on in my bedroom is none of your business!”

-Kelly Stout

9. “That the large bag of money around my neck is worth more than $1.45.”

“You start feeling the neck strain around 85 cents.”

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-Ashley Feinberg

10. “That just because I’m tall, I’m an NBA player that is not Penny Hardaway.”

“It’s me.”

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-Penny Hardaway

11. “That people with glasses can’t start an eyelash bar, be a working mother, have a baby with Tyga, successfully establish a side narrative on America’s most prominent reality TV franchise, create their own emojis, and be intersectional feminists too.”

“Robert Kardashian is the kindest man I’ve ever met.”

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-Jordan Sargent

12. “That my sexual history has anything to do with how far I can throw a football.”

“Just hand me a football. I’ll throw it all the way over there.”

-Sam Biddle

13. “That just because most people are born with one normal butthole, that I was also born with one normal butthole.”

“The scar sort of looks like a crushed railroad penny!”

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-Madeleine Davies

14. “That just because my dick looks like it has problems, that I have problems with my dick.”

“I wish people would understand that even if a guy’s dick is all mashed up and covered in scar tissue, it still works.”

-Tom Ley