Our beloved Orange Is the New Black returns to Netflix tomorrow (!!!) and I was able to get my greedy little hands on screeners for the first six episodes, and let me tell you, this shiz is about to be SO GOOD. (Very minor spoilers ahead. Nothing big or even medium-sized, as I'm not a monster.) Here's what we have to look forward to in Season 2:
1. Less Piper.
Piper is great and all, and Taylor Schilling is a terrific actress who handles a difficult role admirably, but she's not the star of this show, and season 2 makes it clear everyone knows that. With the exception of the first episode, which I think is the season's weakest but features a hilarious Lori Petty cameo, Piper fades into the background and lets the other ladies shine.
2. One word: SUZANNE.
Crazy Eyes, who is known more and more as just Suzanne, is nothing short of a revelation. Not that we expected anything less from the writers or actress Uzo Aduba, who will break your heart and make you laugh forever in the same scene. I'd let you pee on my floor any day, Suzanne.
Her story. All the tears. One tiny spoiler that actually spoils nothing but is a great detail: Poussey speaks German. I CAN SAY NO MORE BUT DEAR LORD I WANT TO. Please promise to start watching at midnight and then come back here immediately so we can talk about it, okay? I'm counting on you because I need to talk.
4. Getting to know Gloria.
An unexpected turn from the new head cook will leave you thinking about angels, spirits, and the power of fire.
Lorna's heart-pounding story has a twist ending that had me rewinding and being all "What. the. Fuck. Lorna." Also, that accent. I can only do it when I huff an entire balloon worth of Helium and then stick a fistful of marbles in one side of my mouth. It's called acting, folks.
6. SEXXX. Like, a lot of sex. And it's graphic as FUCK.
Last season had some boob groping in the shower, this season has some HOLY CRAP WHAT DID I JUST WATCH WHILST SITTING NEXT TO MY MOM KILL ME NOW. Step aside Game of Thrones, because OITNB is serving up that sexual realness. #ACK
7. Big Boo and Little Boo.
There are no words. (/Can't say I didn't see this one coming.)
8. Sophia schooling everyone on female anatomy.
Because duh. I think I learned a thing or two, actually.
9. A mock job fair.
It's just as amazing as it sounds. (And I bet you can guess who owns the fuck out of everyone.)
10. New prisoners.
One of them played by the incredible Lorraine Toussaint, who slithers into Litchfield with a greasy charm that's unlike anything I've ever seen. I think she's the first character on the show who I feel very little sympathy towards, which is interesting because this is a show that goes out of its way to make us understand why these women are where they are. It's a choice that I'm excited about, and I'm looking forward to more from her. And she's not the only newbie. This is prison, and visitors come and go. Creator Jenji Kohan said this show could go on forever, much like our horrid prison system (but with laughs). Although Season 2 is far from perfect, it still features the most diverse, dynamic women on television today, and I can't wait to see what they're serving up next. I'm in for the long haul.