Jezebel: 'republican

Sarah Palin Reveals Diabolical Plan to Spontaneously Run for President

Cassie Murdoch — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 11:00:00 EST

Sarah Palin has always enjoyed toying with us, but for the past few months she's seemed largely irrelevant. We all thought she'd given up on public office and was content to mouth off for cash and/or serve America in other ways. But it seems we have all been had. In an interview with Fox Business's Eric Bolling, Palin hinted at the true nature of her fiendish plans: She's going to run for president! But not in the traditional, lamestream way. No, she's going to come in at the last minute and "save the day." Man, we should have known. More »

Callista's Hair Is a Work of Art

Cassie Murdoch — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 21:45:00 EST

Callista Gingrich, wife of Republican presidential candidate, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich meets with Republican supporters at a Smashburger restaurant, Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2012, in San Diego. (AP Photo/Gregory Bull) More »

Virginia Is Now Perilously Close to Criminalizing Abortion

Cassie Murdoch — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:20:00 EST

Virginia must really be desperate to distinguish itself as a place where nobody with a uterus wants to live, because yesterday their House of Delegates passed not one but two insanely restrictive anti-abortion bills, which are both heading pretty directly toward becoming law. You can choose which one you find more outrageous: the personhood bill or the bill that requires ladies to get an unnecessary vaginal probing before they're allowed to have an abortion. More »

Santorum Meant to Say It's Ladies' Weakness, Not Emotions, That Keeps Them Out of Combat

Cassie Murdoch — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 11:00:00 EST

Last week, Rick Santorum said he didn't think women should be allowed in combat because the "types of emotions that are involved." Well, he's since clarified his position, and it turns out he wasn't referring to women's out of control emotions but men's. You see, he's worried that male soldiers would get themselves in trouble because they couldn't resist the primal urge to take care of their little women comrades in need. More »

Republican Politician Offers a Heartwarming Defense of Gay Marriage

Cassie Murdoch — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 21:05:00 EST

The Bible Says Teachers Don't Deserve Decent Salaries, According to One Horrible Politician

Cassie Murdoch — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:50:00 EST

If you thought that God had never really given much thought to teacher's salaries, you'd be wrong. At least according to Shadrack McGill, a Republican state senator from Alabama. He spoke at a prayer breakfast recently where he passed along some very interesting wisdom from God regarding what teachers should be paid. He began this ridiculous conversation by speaking about politician's salaries, which, you might be surprised to learn, he thinks should be quite high. The reason—besides the fact that he is one? To prevent them from taking bribes. Well, it's nice to see that McGill has such a high opinion of his colleagues. He then leapt to talk about why he doesn't support a bill to increase teachers' wages: More »

This Five-Year-Old Girl's Thoughts on Famous Logos Will Blow Your Mind

Cassie Murdoch — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 23:15:00 EST

Majority of Americans Want to Throw Congress in the Trash and Start Over

Cassie Murdoch — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 11:55:00 EST

It's no secret that Congress is a total shitshow, unable to fix even the most minor problem. The good news is that they've finally gotten bad enough at their jobs that America has been roused from its usual stupor and is starting to take notice—and now we're ready to throw the bums out! Seriously, all of them. More »

Newt Gingrich Wants to Build a Second America on the Moon

Cassie Murdoch — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 21:45:00 EST

Hey, everybody, have you heard the good news? If Newt Gingrich is elected president, we can all go live on the moon! Cool…wait, what? Yep, here's what the man said earlier today: More »

Members of Congress Will Go on Awkward Dates with Each Other at the State of the Union

Cassie Murdoch — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 21:30:00 EST

If you needed further proof that Congress is basically an only slightly more grown up version of high school, this should convince you: As if ordered by an exasperated guidance counselor (paging Tami Taylor), lawmakers from each party have agreed to sit next to members from across the aisle during Tuesday's State of the Union address in order to try to overcome the bitter hatred they have for one another. Sure they may seething at the start, but before long it's definitely going to be Democrats and Republicans sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G… More »

Michele Bachmann Hides In Her Car, Afraid Obama's Occupier Army Will Attack Her With Facts

Cassie Murdoch — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 16:45:00 EST

Things got a little crazier than usual yesterday at Michele Bachmann's campaign HQ in Iowa. A few dozen people associated with Occupy Iowa turned up to protest outside her offices, and, unwilling to face them, Bachmann did the political equivalent of hiding under the bed. More »

Lowlights From The Eight Zillionth Republican Debate

Erin Gloria Ryan — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 11:40:00 EST

Last night, Republican presidential hopefuls got the band back together again for another debate reunion tour, and like most bands whose best albums are behind them, the old familiar songs just didn't sound the same. Chords were off. Rick Perry forgot the words. Mitt Romney experienced a hair gel malfunction unbefitting of a lead guitarist. And Herman Cain slipped and fell on a pair of panties a fan threw onto the stage. Let's take a look at the moments that will lend themselves best to tragic voiced over segments on future episodes of Behind the Music. More »

Congress Pushes For Official "Ten Commandments Weekend" Starting This May

Lane Moore — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 16:15:00 EDT

Congress would just like to take a moment to blur that useless "church and state" line, if that's cool with everyone. More »

The Sexual Evolution Of Christine O'Donnell

Rachel Slajda — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 13:49:00 EDT

The new Republican candidate for Senate in Delaware is known best for her positions on sex: She is a devout Catholic, chaste, anti-masturbation, pro-abstinence-only sex ed, anti-condoms and anti-porn. But Christine O'Donnell didn't grow up in a strict religious household. More »

She's Not Crazy, She's Alaskan: Why It's Hard (And Easy) To Criticize Sarah Palin

Anna North — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 13:00:00 EDT

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While this week's Time basically fawns all over Sarah Palin, others in the media discuss her hotness, her lack of education, and her gosh-darn boundary-breaking maverickness — and what these qualities will mean for her in 2012. More »

Republican Foolishness & Dirty Tricks Compete Against Democratic Undies

Megan Carpentier — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 18:30:00 EST

Just to prove to American voters that they are really unfeeling, the Republican National Committee released word today that the California Republican Party is filing an FEC complaint against Barack Obama for his visit to his dying grandmother, who passed away today. Is anyone home over there? [Washington Post]
If you weren't already aware, Barack Obama doesn't want to see your underwear. Panty-flinging should remain metaphorical. [Politico]
Sarah Palin is definitely not releasing her medical records. I want to be angry about this, but I wouldn't want reporters pawing around my gynecological exams either. [CNN]
Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, having lived the last 8 years with his head firmly up his ass, thinks that the U.S. will "lose a lot of stature throughout the world" if we elect Obama. [Politico]